


Dangerous Courtship

by gayskeleton



Category: DCU
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, minor batjokes later on, trans joker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8758408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayskeleton/pseuds/gayskeleton
Summary: Lex Luthor wants Superman dead. Nothing new there, but this time he decides not to get his hands dirty himself and hires someone else to do the deed, someone he probably shouldn't trust at all.





	1. Introductions

For the past month Joker had been stuck in Arkham. He was laying in his bed on the bottom bunk, the shadow of the top bunk leaving him in almost complete darkness. Distant shouting from some poor inmate down the hall had kept the clown prince up all night and it was nearly time for breakfast. Since he had behaved well enough during his time there he was allowed in the cafeteria with the other well behaving prisoners. He clung onto his pillow before sitting up in bed. He poked the mattress above him.  
“Harvey? Are you up yet?” There was no response from his two-faced cellmate above him. 

Joker let out a huff and tosses his thin sheets aside to stand. Waking Harvey up might invoke the wrath of Twoface, but that was certainly better than being bored. Just as he was about to grab his cell mates shoulder a knock sounded at their door. Harvey lifted his head

“What is it now?” The grumble came out from his lips. 

“Get up, both of you, and put your hands against the wall.” The voice called out from the outside. Harvey shot Joker a glare as if to say “What did you do?” before he dropped down from his top bunk. Putting his hands against the wall, Joker attempted to get a glance at the men entering the room before they pushed their way in and over to him. They looked like cops, but they had armor on and batons in their hands. One of the men grabbed Joker’s arm and yanked it behind his back before grabbing the other one and cuffing them together. 

“I guess we’re not going to therapy, huh?” The clown asked, and got a gruff “Shut up.” in return. They pushed him towards the door and before the door closed behind him he got a glance at a rather confused looking Harvey, now alone in the cell. 

Joker realized that he didn’t have room for escape early on. Even if he was able to take a baton from one of the men, their armor would render it useless. There was nothing to do but be led from his cell, towards the entrance of Arkham. The asylum seemed empty, they must have gotten everyone out of the way to move him, but it seemed weird to send him outside. By the entrance, Joker noticed a familiar face. Commissioner Gordon was talking to another man, but his attention strayed to Joker as he passed by. 

“I sure hope you know what you’re doing.” Gordon mumbled before shaking his head. Outside there was an armored van, and the guards pushed him into it. With the doors slamming behind him, Joker attempted to make out his surroundings in the dim morning light that leaked in through the windows of the van. 

“Where’re we going, driver man?” Joker scooted over towards the front of the van. There was no response from the driver as they took off on the road. The bus headed south-west on it’s way out of Gotham. About an hour into the drive Joker fell asleep, and then another hour he felt the bus come to a slow stop. Noticing that the sun was still rising, he assumed how much time had passed. He blinked against the late morning sun as the van’s backdoors were pulled open. Two more guards in the same armor as before grabbed each one of Joker’s arms and led him outside. With his first glimpse of his surroundings the first thing Joker sees is a sprawling city before him and a dawning realilzation hits him.

“Ooh, we’re in Metropolis.” Joker says to himself before he’s pushed towards a dark building. Noticing the fences with barb wire around him he comes to the quick conclusion that this is either a prison or asylum within Metropolis city limits. Before long the clown prince is directed through the building, and set into a cell alone. The room is bigger than his old cell in Arkham, and it was cleaner. Whatever this place was, it would be considered an upgrade to most people, but Joker wanted out. It wasn’t going to be easy. There were no obvious exits to the room, and no windows. Just a table, two chairs, and a bed. It would potentially be easy to fight his way out if the majority of the guards weren’t armored. Almost immediately Joker starts fiddling with the table legs. The table seems rather sturdy, and won’t come apart easily. As he was rattling the table around he heard the door to his cell open. Quickly, he sat in the chair behind the table facing the door. From outside two people entered the room, a tall, bald man in an expensive looking coat and a muscled woman dressed in black with a serious look on her face. The woman eyed Joker nervously, as though he were a bomb that could go off at any time. On the other hand, the bald man seemed calm as he pulled out the other chair and sat across from Joker.

“Do you know who I am?” He asked, his voice deep yet demanding. Joker stared at him for a few moments, not sure how to respond to that.

“I take it you own the place?” Joker asked raising an eyebrow and leaning forward. The woman in the room with them grew tense as the clown leaned towards her boss. 

“Yes, I do, actually.” He responded, “I can get you out of here, too, if you agree to my deal.” 

“I agree.” Joker said immediately.

“I haven’t even told you what it was.” 

“Look, anything’s better than being shut up in some place where I don’t even know anyone and there’s nothing fun to do.” Joker rolled his eyes. “I’m ready to be literally anywhere but here, so whatever you want, no matter how humiliating or weird it is, I’ll do it.”  
The two strangers exchanged a look and the woman shrugged. 

“I don’t want you to do anything humiliating, Joker.” The man started, “But it’s not going to be easy.” He stood up. “I’m going to take you back to my home where I’ll give you everything you could need to kill Superman.”

“So you just want me to kill someb-wait.” Joker smiled for the first time he got to Metropolis. “You’re gonna arm me, a psychotic clown who kills half the people he meets, with the means to kill Superman?” Something in Joker’s head seems to click. “That must mean you’re Lex Luthor, then.”  
Lex stared at him blankly for a moment before scowling at the clown.

“So then you’ll do it?” He asked

“Of course I’ll do it. This is like, the second most interesting thing to happen to me this year, how can I say no?” The clown stood up and put his hands on his sides. 

“Well what are you waiting for? Let’s go!”


	2. Settling in

“So where are we going?” Joker seemed incredibly relaxed in the limousine. He and Lex were alone in the back while his guard, Mercy, was driving them back towards Metropolis. 

“Lexcorp, my apartment’s in my building.” Lex tells him.

“Is it the one with the big ‘L’ on it?” Joker asks.

“Can’t get anything past you.” Lex looked slightly bemused. “Yes, that’s it.”

“Does the ‘L’ stand for Lex or for Luthor?” 

Lex rolled his eyes and looked at his watch, it was about a twenty minute drive from the prison and they were finally parking in his personal garage built into Lexcorp. With Joker constantly talking it felt like hours. Mercy opened the door for them and the clown bounced out first, taking in the sights now that they were actually in the city. The buildings seemed taller than they were in Gotham, and looking at them for too long made Joker dizzy. He shook his head and blinked as he followed Lex and Mercy into an elevator. It seemed to go up forever until finally they stopped at one of the top floors. The group stepped out and Joker looked around warily. This place was fancier than anywhere the clown had been before, and more than that it looked new. Almost every building in Gotham, fancy or not had been there for at least fifty years and was made to look, well, gothic. This modern architecture was intimidating, in a way. Following the two ahead of him, Joker noticed the windows to his side and got sidetracked. Looking out on the city was impressive, and it was a long fall down to the streets of Metropolis. There were certainly not a lack of places to throw yourself off of in a place like this. Joker had been tempted to throw himself off buildings before, just to see what happens, but it would be a terribly boring way to go.

“Joker. Joker?” Lex snapped the clown out of his trance-like state, and he realized his forhead was pressed up against the glass, along his his hands. He was on his toes staring down at the ground.

“Come on, I still have to show you around.” Lex said, giving the clown a strange look as Joker backed away from the window and followed him into a room with a television, fireplace, a large sofa and a fancy stereo system. It was connected to a kitchen, with all the accessories Joker had seen at Arkham, but they were a lot fancier and new. After being introduced to the kitchen Lex took him to a hallway. 

“This will be where you stay.” Lex said as he opened the door to a large bedroom, a pile of clothes in one corner and a walk-in closet entrance to the right of it. 

“Mercy picked out some clothes she thought you might like.” He nodded towards the pile. “And the bathroom’s on the hall to your left, at the end of the hall is my room. Don’t go in there.” Lex turned to leave, “I’ll come back to get you once you’re done settling down.” He shut the door behind him, leaving Joker alone to himself. Immediately he began to go through his new clothes. There was a lot of purple, but he managed to pick his favorite suit and pants out of the pile. Choosing between a white or yellow undershirt was more difficult but he finally decided that the yellow one matched better. Finally he picked out his neck wear, an adorable green bow tie that matched his hair color. 

“I gotta say you picked out some nice clothes.” Joker says once he changed and exited the room. Mercy looked up from where she was standing down the hall. “Where did you get this cute little bow tie?” Joker ran a finger over his new accessory with a smile. 

“I don't know. There's a lot of clothes stores around Metropolis that I went to.” She told him, not willing to admit that the most dangerous body guard in Metropolis had a hobby in fashion. She looked at the door across from Joker’s room. “Aren't you going to bathe?” 

“No, I hate that.” Joker frowned. “I got hosed down at Arkham, I don't need one.”

“That was how long ago? You smell awful.” She told him.

“Well you guys are rich, just spray some cologne or something at me so I smell a different smelly.” Joker responded.

“She's right, you know.” Lex walked by, a sour look on his face. “Just take one. You haven't seen the bathroom yet anyway.” He opened the bathroom door and looked at Joker, leaving the door open for him. The clown proceeded inside. It was definitely not like the shower room at arkham, especially since there was a shower with a door that closed. Privacy wasn't an option back in Gotham. 

“There are towels on that rack.” Lex pointed before closing the door behind Joker. The clown let out a sigh as his eyes went from the giant tub to the shower. Bodies of water gave him the creeps and vague memories of almost drowning that he wasn’t sure were real or not. The shower reminded him of uncomfortable times in Arkham, but he could just kill anyone who gave him shit about his body. Speaking of which, he had to undress in a stranger’s house. He took his pants off first, then shot a nervous glance back at the door, half expecting a pair of peeping eyes to be watching him. There was nothing out of the ordinary so Joker took his jacket off and unbuttoned his shirt to toss it to the side. In his underwear now, he gave another glance back at the door before hurrying over to it and putting his ear against it. He could hear Mercy and Lex talking, but couldn’t make out specific words. Giving up, Joker turned the lock on the door so no one could walk in on him, and finished undressing. After fidgeting with the knobs of the shower he managed to turn it on. He still felt odd with no one else around to be wary of, but eventually he settled down. This water was a lot warmer than any shower he’d taken back at Arkham, and he might have stayed in it a while longer than he intended. Once dressed, the clown prince stepped outside, a towel around his hair as he approaches the end of the hallway. Before he stepped out he heard an unfamiliar voice somewhere near the kitchen. 

“Is that right Mr. Luthor?” An unfamiliar woman’s voice asked in a flirtatious tone. Joker poked his head around the corner. Mercy was gone, but there was an unfamiliar red haired woman talking to Lex. 

“I’m afraid so.” Lex grinned in return, before he saw Joker around the corner and his grin vanished. “I’m sorry, now might not be the best time.”

“Why, what's-?” She turned to look back at Joker. Lex immediately stood up. 

“I'm sorry Lana, maybe we can finish this conversation some other time?” He helped her out of her seat and she reluctantly stood and walked towards the elevator, keeping her eyes on Joker the whole way out. The clown smiled at her smugly and waved as she left. 

“Who was that?” Joker asked Lex as he sat back down at the table and looked down at his coffee. 

“That was Lana Lang.” Lex said, “She recently moved to Metropolis and is making a name for herself as a fashion designer.” 

“You like her.” Joker giggled like a little kid. Lex raised an eyebrow.

“We are two grown adults in a relationship, Joker.” He said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Of course, I suppose you haven’t had a meaningful relationship, being a killer clown and all.” 

“Hey, I’ve had plenty of relationships! I don’t remember some of them, but I’m sure they happened at one point or another.” Joker responded. “I mean, there’s my whole thing with Batman, and stuff.”

“I meant a romantic relationship. Trying to kill someone multiple times doesn’t count.” Lex told him.

“What if you do both?” Joker asks. 

“Are you trying to tell me you and Batman go out for dinner after trying to kill each other?” Lex scoffed. 

“Well there was this one time in Rome-but that’s none of your business, Mr. Luthor.” Joker folded his arms and took a seat across from his bald roommate. 

“Right. Any other dirt you want to give me on Batman?” Lex chuckled.

“Oh sure. I mean, the guy dresses like a bat and I don’t even know why he does that honestly. As if that weren’t weird enough, now he’s got this kid he dresses up as a bird to fight dangerous criminals too. Also he’s had sex with like, at least three of the rogues. And with the one that dresses like a cat. I hate her too. Oh yeah don’t tell anyone but I found out he knocked a lady up and he doesn't even know it yet.” There was an intense passion in the clown’s eyes as he spilled out information about the bat. 

“And you know all this, how?” Lex didn't look unnerved, rather intrigued.

“Oh I've done my homework on him. And I might know his secret identity, but I'm not gonna tell anyone that.” Joker said, “That's our little secret. For now.”

“Well you’re certainly… well informed.” Lex responded. “Maybe I should just let you do your own thing with Superman.” 

“Oh, no that won’t work.” Joker told him. “I don't care about Superman, I'll just kill him.” He leant back in his chair. “Speaking of the big guy, what do you want me to kill him with?”

“I have something that will do the trick.” Lex informed him, rising from his seat. He signalled to Joker to follow him and the two of them entered the elevator. Joker stood a little too close for comfort in the spacious elevator, but despite how many glares Lex gave him he didn’t move. Finally they reached their destination. This floor was bright, the walls and floor and ceiling were all white and it was quite well lit. Joker blinked against it and stepped out after Luthor. The duo made their way down the hall, where there was a retina scanner and a large bolted door beside it. Lex typed in a passcode and had his right eye scanned before the door clicked and opened itself. Inside there was a large underground laboratory, complete with a computer, various weapons, and some vehicles that looked half finished. 

“Every man I meet has a weird cave in his basement.” Joker chuckled, stepping inside. “So which of these doodads are we gonna get him with?” 

“None of them.” Lex responded, heading over to a fancy looking container attached to the wall. He pressed a button and it opened, revealing a green rock inside. Carefully taking it out and setting it on the table in front of Joker, he gave the clown a serious look. “This is the only thing I’ve found that can stop Superman.” After studying the rock for a moment the Joker looked thoroughly unimpressed. 

“So you want me to throw a big green rock at the invincible flying man?” He asked, hands on his hips. 

“Every time Superman is around this specific rock he’s weakened. I’ve tried everything else in this room but this one thing has been the most effective.” He frowns at it. “I’ve just needed someone who can get close enough to him with a glowing green weapon.” 

“Doesn’t look like a weapon, Lex. Looks like a rock to me.” Joker put a hand on it. 

“Well, I’m going to fix it into a knife. I want this to go through his heart.” Lex said, pulling the rock away from Joker’s hands and putting it back. 

“I have to admit, it’s not going to be as fun without Batman,” Joker says, “But killing Superman’s gonna be interesting at least.”


	3. Ready to Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for Joker to fight Superman but obviously he's gonna fuck this up somehow.

“Do you think he's cute?” Joker was flipping through various magazines, showing pictures to Mercy every once in awhile. He showed her a magazine with Bruce Wayne on the cover. 

 

“Adorable.” Mercy muttered, checking her watch without even glancing over at the clown. It had been a few hours since Lex left. He was making a weapon for Joker, but she didn't know exactly what it would be. She was supposed to watch the clown while he was gone, which proved to be easy, surprisingly. Joker just seemed to want to eat, talk and read any magazine he could find. He used the television for a while, but got angry because the channels were different than they were in Gotham. Now he was deeply invested in reading about a billionaire from his home town, he almost didn't notice when Lex returned. 

 

“It's finished, Joker.” Lex told him as the clown looked up from his magazine. He set the magazine down, and grinned.”

 

“Great. Is the mech or whatever ready too?” Joker got up from his seat.

 

“It's being set up right now” Lex informed him. 

 

“Then I guess tomorrow's the big day.” Joker says. “The day Superman gets stabbed by a clown.”

 

“I suppose it is.” Lex said, heading towards the kitchen. “Mercy, you can step out.”

 

She hesitated for a moment before nodding and leaving her boss alone with the Joker. 

 

“I have to tell you something.” Lex said once the clown entered the room with him. 

 

“Ye-esss?” Joker asked as he sat down at the table. Lex took out a bottle of champagne and poured himself a glass before passing another to Joker. 

 

“Superman knows you're with me.” Lex informed him. “I think Lana told him.” 

 

“Ooh. That sucks, your girlfriend’s a snitch.” Joker took a drink of the champagne and scrunched up his nose as if he never had alcohol before. “But-ew- but she doesn't know the details, right? You didn't tell her. Did you?”

 

“Of course not, I didn't tell her anything. One of my people saw her with Superman.” Lex frowned, looking to the side. “I suppose I should have seen this coming.”

 

“Yeah that's why I don't date anyone that's normal.” Joker says. “They always have to have ‘morals’ and those kinds of things.” 

 

Lex gave him a strange look. “Right. Well, we should still be wary.”

 

“So are you gonna kill her?” The clown seemed much more interested in Lex’s love life than the plan to kill Superman. 

 

“I-well I suppose I have to do something about all this.” Lex says. “That seems a bit...harsh for now.” He finishes his glass. “I’ll have Mercy watch her just in case.”

 

“Spying on your girlfriend?” Joker chided, “Not something you should do in a healthy relationship.” 

 

“Better than murdering her.” Lex said, “Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.” 

 

“Wow. That’s cold.” Joker says. “I’ve never even murdered one of my boyfriends.”

 

“I doubt you’ve had a lot of those.” Lex frowns, putting his bottle of champagne back on the shelf. 

 

“Well counting from before I’ve had three.” Joker says, his eyes suddenly light up. “Whoa, that’s something I actually remembered.”

 

“What do you mean?” Lex hadn’t turned to look at him yet.

 

“Oh. I forgot almost everything from before I was Joker. I don’t even know why I look like this, I just remember vague things. Not even people’s faces, just things.” He shrugged as if this were common knowledge.

 

“And you remember these people existed, you just don’t know who they are?” Lex asked.

 

“Yeah, I don’t even know if they’re alive. I mean I’m pretty sure I didn’t kill them. I think I’d remember that.” Joker frowns. “I hope not. I really liked the one.” He looked deep in thought. “Just wish I could remember him.” 

 

Lex sat back down at the table. “Are you being serious or are you messing with me?” 

 

“No, I actually did remember something just now.” Joker says, furrowing his brow. “I don’t know how or why though.” Lex stared at him for a while.

 

“Well what do you remember?” Luthor asked after a while. 

 

The clown giggled. “Practically nothing but enough to know that I had something of a life before. I think I was engaged to some guy.” Joker said. “And I had at least one parent. And I drowned. That’s all I remember.”

 

Lex frowned. “Why tell me all this?”

 

“Figure someone oughta know. Get a feeling I might die tomorrow, Superman’s not Batman, he might decide to kill me.” Joker explained. “Plus it's funny, the doctors at Arkham have been trying to get this information from me for years and now I'm just spilling the beans to a stranger in the next city over.” Joker chuckles. 

 

“What makes you think I won't tell them?” Lex asked, a sudden coldness in his tone.

 

“Because you don't gain anything from that.” Joker looked unimpressed with the threat.

 

“Are you trying to manipulate me?” Lex glares at Joker.

 

“To do what? Lexy, I hate to break it to ya, but I don't really care about you.” Joker says. “I'm just waiting to see what happens over here. Anyway, if you're going to be grumpy, I'm leaving.” The clown got up from his seat, wandering out of the kitchen. Lex didn't respond or follow him. 

 

Now would be a good time for Joker to snoop around. Without Mercy following him around he easily walked into Luthor’s bedroom. It was more boring than Joker had imagined. A bed, a drawer, a mirror, fancy things any wealthy man would keep in his room. The balcony across from where Joker was standing seemed more interesting, so he followed his instincts and walked out there. The city lights were bright against the night sky, and it was jarring since Joker couldn't keep track of time well. He thought it was still daytime but apparently not. Down the street he spotted the Daily Planet and past that he could see a skyline of the rest of the city. Everything looked new and clean in comparison to Gotham. He couldn't see any stars, which is normal in a big city like this, but something in the air seemed to be shimmering. He saw a shape forming. Trying to get a better look, Joker got up on the railing of the balcony. Below him the streets were still busy but the sound of traffic seemed to be drowned out as Joker focused only on the blurry image he saw in front of him. Ignoring all his survival instincts he reached his arm out and leaned forward. Before he could fall to his death something yanked him backwards and he seemed to fall out of his trance like state. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Lex shouted, raising his voice for the first time since Joker met him. The clown just blinked in confusion at him. He lifted Joker to his feet, surprising the clown with his strength. Without waiting for an answer Lex pulled the clown away from the balcony back inside. He closed the doors to the balcony shut once they were inside. Luthor didn't let go of Joker until they reached the bed, where he sat him down. A panic suddenly washed over Joker. He thought I was going to jump. How could his train of thought be explained when he didn't really know what he was doing. Was I going to jump? He sat very still as Lex left and came back with a glass of water and silently handed it to him. Joker took it, but he didn’t really want to drink anything right now. Instead he just sat on the bed while Lex stood across from him. 

 

The lights he saw over the city stirred in his mind. They looked almost like the shape of a human and something pulled him towards them. There wasn’t much of a point in thinking about it now, though. He set the glass of water down on Lex’s nightstand and laid down. 

 

It was almost noon when Joker woke up. He felt disoriented but soon realized he was still in Lex’s room, but he was alone. He sat up in the bed, wondering what would happen next. Lex still needed him to kill Superman, so he figured nothing much would change. Getting out of bed, Joker noticed the glass he had was gone. Lex must have taken it out, which means he was probably gone. He left the room and headed towards the television.

 

“You're up.” Lex’s voice came from behind Joker. The clown prince almost jumped, then turned to face him as he stood outside the kitchen. 

 

“Shouldn't you be at work or something?” Joker blurted out immediately.

 

“No.” Lex gave him a confused look. “You're going to kill Superman today, I'm going to watch.” He offered Joker a plate of eggs and toast. “Here.” The clown took the plate, eager to eat something. Lex followed him into the kitchen where he sat down to eat.

 

“Alright. You're being weirdly nice but I guess you gotta be when someone almost kills himself in your bedroom.” Joker said, amazing Lex at how blunt he was. The clown prince paused. Let out a “Thanks.” And then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. Much to Jokers chagrin, Lex followed him and sat across from him. He didn't know why, but the clown had the sudden urge to stab his host with the fork he was using to shovel food into his mouth. 

 

“Lexy,” Joker sighed. “It's really adorable that you're worried for my mental health but I'll be fine. Things happen, I try to die from time to time.” He gave Luthor a wide smile and reached out to pat his hand.

 

“You need help, Joker.” Lex said, and the clown couldn't tell if he was offering some or insulting him. 

 

“Well it's not like Arkham’s gonna have any.” He shrugged. “Maybe I should run away and join the circus.” The clown giggled to himself. “You think I would fit in there?” 

 

“Mercy’s going to pick up some medication for you.” Lex says. “Should be here when you're done with Superman.” 

 

“Oh good- wait what?” Joker blinks. “Oh come on, I run away from Arkham so I don't have to be injected with that crap.” 

 

“They're not injections, they're pills.” Lex tells him. “You need to get ready.” He looked at his watch. “Are you at least going to change?” 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Need to look good, I know.” Joker finished eating and stood up, heading towards his room. 

 

Inside, the pile of clothes was now strewn across the room. There were posters of boy bands on the wall now and it looked more like a teenage girl lived here than a murderer. Going through the clothes on the ground, there were some new ones sitting there, and he finally decided on an oversized batman t shirt and some short shorts. Joker got undressed and redressed fairly quickly, making sure his binder didn't get messed up while he was changing. Finally he put some sandals on and ran back out to where Lex was sitting.

 

“Look! With my shirt like this it looks like I’m not wearing pants but I am!” Joker shouted, pointing at his bare legs poking out from under his baggy shirt. 

 

“The shirt is...something.” Lex seemed bemused at his partner in crimes sudden change of mood. 

 

“Yeah, Mercy bought it for me because I was homesick.” Joker explains. “Anyway, I'll get my trench coat and hat on so I can sneak out. I'll see you later.” The clown ran off towards the elevator, grabbing his extra garb on the way over. 

 

Lex was going to offer to drive him over to the Daily Planet, but the clown bolted out before he could speak. He had to be in position by the time Joker got there, so he figured letting the clown walk would be easier. He just needed to get his battlesuit ready, just in case. 

 

Joker walked by the main entrance of the Daily Planet, looking as inconspicuous as a man in a trenchcoat could be. Ducking into the alley on the side of the building he noticed one of the lower windows, and climbed onto the dumpster nearby. He made sure no one else was around before peeking inside. It was a janitor’s closet. The door was closed and there was a ventilation shaft on the ceiling. Jackpot.   
Joker tried opening the window with a nudge, and found it was locked. Nothing was ever easy. If he smashed the window, someone would hear, and the cops would be called. It wouldn’t matter if he could get to the vent in time. He could cause a distraction elsewhere, which was the safest route right now. Heading around the corner again, back in the front of the building he watched until he saw a man with a heavy jacket turn to head inside. With his makeshift smoke bomb at the ready he brushed past him and slipped the contraption inside. After passing him he made a v line for the alley way and quickly scrambled atop the dumpster. 

 

After counting down on his fingers he heard some commotion from around the corner and took his crowbar out to smash the window. Once inside he quickly took a step stool and unscrewed the vent with his trusty spare screw driver. He pulled himself up and kicked the stepstool to the side before crawling inside. Taking a small flashlight out of his coat he finally decided to ditch the outfit. Now he just had to navigate his way around until he got to the elevator.

 

After a few minutes of crawling around aimlessly he managed to reach an end to the darkness of the vents. Finally. He kicked out the panel, noise be damned, and cautiously poked his head out to see where the elevator was. It was obviously not below him, and he could assume it was in the darkness above. Dropping the now useless flashlight he stuck his feet out and found something he could put weight on. He located the ladder and shimmied across the wall, his feet dangling off the edge of the shallow elevator shaft as he went. He heard a sharp squeaking noise as he got on the ladder, a few seconds late and he would probably be crushed by the incoming elevator. It stopped on floor two and the clown began his long ascent to floor fifty one. He was half tempted to grab onto the side of the elevator as it headed upwards, but unfortunately elevators weren’t for wanted murderers. Even if he was technically a free man thanks to Lex he couldn’t give away the fact that he was here yet. After what seemed like hours he finally reached the right floor. He saw the same vent that he had passed a dozen times getting to this point, and made his way over to it. This time he was halfway done getting to safety when he heard the elevator start up again. Shit. 

 

He didn’t have time to use his screw driver which was shoved into his pockets next to a sharpened knife made of that green rock and a walkie talkie he was supposed to use to contact Lex with. He took out the knife and used it to pry the vent open. The elevator came so close to his foot that his sandal fell off and down the shaft. Hopefully no one would find it and it would just settle down with his poor old flash light. 

 

Once he was on the western side of the building he found a place to drop out of the vents, and landed in the middle of an empty board room. The board room bored him so he left. This floor’s hallway wasn’t busy, but he could hear some people talking down the hall. Joker reached down to get his walkie talkie and put it to his lips. “Le-eex, I’m ready!” He then dropped the walkie talkie on the floor, folded his arms, and leaned against the wall.

 

Outside the window and down a few blocks a green smudge seems to be coming closer and closer to the Daily Planet. Joker smiles as he hears a commotion as the other people on the floor begin to notice a mech barrelling through the sky towards him. It was inches from crashing into the window, causing a collapse and killing many people along with Joker when a blue streak shot out from around the side of the building and suddenly the mech was stopped in its place by Superman. He seemed to struggle with the weight of it, giving Joker time to shoot through the window, the bullet bouncing off his back. While he was distracted, the clown prince took the opportunity to jump through the cracked glass, shattering it onto the streets below, and grabbed onto big blue, with one arm around his neck and the other stabbing into him with his shiny new knife. He could hear Superman let out a half surprised half pained gasp before the mech turned off and started plummeting to the ground. For a few moments he struggled to grab Joker off of his back to no avail before jerking back and slamming the clown against the side of the building. This knocked the wind out of him, and a sharp pain went through the arm holding onto his weapon, taking the hilt of the knife with him as he was forced to let go of Superman. The tip of it snapped off inside of the hero. 

 

Joker watched Superman fly off in another direction, the alien clearly had no control any more as he fell towards the ground. Looking down the clown realized he’d be smashed against the ground too, and there was no bat to save him now. It looked like the end of the line and two quick thoughts passed through his head. Shit. Oh well. He looked back over at Superman falling, he was limp and assumedly unconscious. Something green and shining came loose on him and started falling separately. Double shit. He thought he had buried it in good but apparently not. The ground was racing up to meet him and he shut his eyes. He expected a big slam, then darkness, but instead he got the wind knocked out of him, a sore back, but he didn’t feel like he hit the ground. Peaking out from behind his fingers Joker saw Lex, in purple and green armor, carrying him away from the Daily Planet. He suddenly felt embarrassed, dying would probably be better than failing at this one simple task. Bothering to look up at Lex one more time, he was surprised to see a grin on his face. It was either a really good sign or a horrible one.


	4. Remodeled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mutual pining comes to an end, and also batmans there.

Once they were back on the roof of Lexcorp, Luthor set Joker down. The clown looks up at him, noticing the warm look he was getting, and was thoroughly freaked out. No one looks at him like that, ever. Not even his lackeys looked at him like that. Ignoring the pain in his arm, he turned away.

“Let’s get inside before the cops show up.” Joker blurted out and ran towards the stairwell, Lex followed at a more leisurely pace. Once he got lost in the building he stopped and realized he was alone and lost. He thought about Lex. Maybe he was reaching but the look in his eyes scared him, it looked like the way he felt about Batman. And he really didn’t need another lover to fight with. He could be over thinking things but the possibility scared him.

“Lost?” He was snapped out of his thought by Lex’s voice, and turned to see him coming down the hall. Joker frowns, which was a mistake. “Something wrong?” 

“I failed.” He blurted out. “I almost got myself killed for like the billionth time and you had to save me again.” 

“It was fun.” Lex told him, confusing him further. 

“I didn’t think you had fun.” Joker admits. 

“Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.” He told Joker, scaring him further as he turned and led the way back to his apartment. Once there, Mercy spun around to see them. 

“Superman’s not waking up.” She informed them, causing a sudden rush of pride to ripple through Joker. His smile was back and Mercy pointed to the television where a news crew was filming the scene. Superman was still on the ground, unmoving, and Lex looked incredibly pleased. 

“I’m going to go change. Mercy give me an update when I return. And Joker, I’m going to have to look at your arm.” And with that, the man clad in battle armor left to the elevator. 

“I fucked that guy up.” Joker told Mercy after a few moments of awkward silence. 

“You certainly are something.” She responded, sitting down to watch the news. The clown hopped over the back of the couch to sit next to her. 

“You think he’s dead? I don’t think I killed him, I didn’t hit anything lethal.” He tapped his bare foot. “Lost my sandal for this.” 

“Tragic. You do know if they find out it was you, they’ll come for all three of us?” Her face turned serious and she turned to look at Joker.

“Oh don’t worry about that.” He shrugged. “Lex has all this money for a reason, he can just pay any detective or whatever off.”

“What makes you think he cares enough to? Why not just hand you over?” Mercy seemed to know the answer already. 

The clown prince put a finger to his mouth and looked deep in thought. “Why does he like me so much?”

“Honestly? Because you tried to jump off of the balcony.” Mercy replied, a certain dryness in her tone. “He...tried that once. Before he was famous, and before we met.” 

“So we’re alike.” Joker contemplates this. “I get it now.” He thought of the looks he was given, and how he was saved twice. He was almost flattered that a man like Luthor took an interest in him, but then he remembered Bruce. Letting out a sigh, he got up from the couch, then something of interest showed up on the television. A red haired woman was shown crouching next to Superman and before they managed to lift him onto a stretcher (which took about six men to do) she laid a kiss on his lips. Mercy and Joker exchanged a look and they both knew exactly what the other was thinking. That was Lana. I’m telling Lex. They both got up and turned to look at the elevator. 

“How do we break it to him?” Joker asked.

“You’re his new favorite.” Mercy responded.

Joker sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell him.” He walked over to the elevator, and as he was halfway there the doors slid open and Lex stepped out. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He stared back at the clown who was gazing at him with a frown on his face. 

“Uh, the news-” He started.

“Yes? Did Superman get up?” He headed towards the television, Mercy shook her head.

“Sir, it was Lana.” Mercy straightened up. “She was at the scene and she kissed Superman. Then they managed to get him into an ambulance.” 

“Oh. Pity.” Lex said, sitting down. “Mercy, be a dear and get rid of her, then.” He sounded as if he were throwing out spoiled milk. 

Mercy nodded and headed towards the elevator. Joker watched her go then turned to look at Lex, whom was taking his jacket off. Tossing it to the side he got back up from his seat.

“Your arm.” He approached Joker. “Is it broken?”

“Well it sure ain’t workin’” Joker grinned and attempted to swing said broken arm. “Ow.”

“Take your shirt off.” Lex demanded. 

“No.” Joker replied. 

“We need to see if anything else is broken, you were hit pretty hard.” He explained.

“I’ll go and check myself.” Without waiting for a reply, Joker bolted to the bathroom and locked the door behind himself. He took his shirt off, noting all the bruises on his arms alone before pulling his binder off. His ribcage was outlined in purple, which probably wasn’t good, and his back didn’t look much better. Thankfully his arm seemed to take the worst of it, and that was probably a good thing since it could heal easily and quickly. A sudden pain shot through his chest, and it almost knocked him to the ground. He let out a wheeze and clutched his chest. Wearing a binder for more than twenty four hours probably crushed his lungs a little. The pain didn’t feel like it was going away so he hobbled over to the door and leaned against it. 

“Lex, buddy, you there?” He called in a pathetic voice. 

“Is it bad?” The voice came from the other side.

“Well it isn’t...good.” Joker responded. “Listen I’m gonna open the door. Don’t freak out.” He was half talking about the bruises all over his body and half about, well, his body. For a second he considered putting his shirt back on, but he’d just have to take it off again. Taking a breath, he opened the door and bit his lip. 

“You-” Lex paused and stared at him. “You look awful.” He said in a hushed tone. “We need to get you to a doctor.” 

“No!” Joker backed away. “I don’t want anyone to know that I’m-” He searched for the right word but none came to him. 

Lex stared at him for a while before turning away. “I’m calling a doctor here. A discrete one. He’ll be able to help you in more ways than one I think.” With that, Luthor left, and Joker hurried to put his shirt on. He attempted to walk back over to the television but collapsed halfway there. Giving up, he curled into a ball and let out a few heaving breaths of air. He lay there for a few seconds before Lex came across him and picked him up. 

“Lex Luthor to my rescue once again.” Joker said, alarmingly quietly. “Where we going?” He noticed they were heading towards the elevator. 

“Some place we can fix you.” He replied. Pausing to awkwardly push a button and keep his hold on Joker he started again. “If you want to, I can have the doctor remove your breasts.”

“But then what will I use to distract Batman?” Joker’s grin was broken by a heaving cough. “Okay, yeah. No more binder sounds wonderful.” Lex nodded and smiled just a little bit. “One more thing, though, Lex.” Joker said. “Are you gonna be there when this guy’s slicing me up?” 

“If you want me to be.” Lex responded. 

“Good, then. I don’t trust a random stranger not to stab me if you’re not there to stab him back for me.” Joker wrapped his good arm around Lex. “You’re a darling.”

A blush crawled across his face for a moment before Lex shook his head and a troubled look replaced it on his face. He remained silent until they reached their destination. Joker felt too tired to pick up another conversation as he was carried through yet another corridor. This place looked all the same to him, he didn’t know how Lex got around. At the end of the hall was yet another ominous looking room, with a hospital esque bed in the center of it, and surgical equipment strewn about. Something odd caught Joker’s eye, it looked like bones, but they were made of a metallic material. 

“What’s that?” Joker stared at it, the lights turning back on in his eyes as Lex placed him down. “I want that.”

“It’s not for you. We’d have to chop your arm off to get it on you.” Lex explains. “Though, it is broken.” He considered. “If you want that, we can’t take it off. It’ll be covered with faux skin.”

“Will it look like my arm?” Joker asked, seriously considering letting a stranger chop off his arm and put a new one on. 

“Yes, no one would be able to tell just by looking.” Lex tells him.

“So I can have a super robot arm if I want?” A wide smile formed on his face.

“I mean...yes I can do that.” Lex nods.

“Lexy, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Joker flinched as he turned to look at the other man. 

“Settle down. The doctor should be here soon.” Lex left to focus on the metal arm. “It’s going to need to be shorter.” 

Joker let out a loud yawn and settled down on the rather uncomfortable bed. He dozed off until he felt another person in the room with him, and his eyes snapped open. Trying to get up, he soon realized was a mistake as pain shot through his body. 

“Settle down.” He noticed Lex approaching. “The doctor’s here.” 

Joker groaned. “Great. Cut me up, then.” He was too weak to care anymore. The doctor was a stout, balding man who nodded to Lex before putting a mask over Joker’s face and letting the anesthesia flow in through his mouth and nose. Usually it takes a while for drugs to have an effect, but being tired seemed to make passing out go by faster, even though he hated how it felt like losing control. 

Sleep was always rather troubling, so he tried not to. His dreams consisted of vague memories from before he was Joker, and every one of them was blurry and difficult to understand. There were always people around him when he dreamt, but he couldn’t quite see them or make out their faces. Sometimes he heard them say things, they were never clear of course, but this time he could make out a specific voice. The same shimmering lights he saw on the balcony were in front of him again. Something drew him towards it yet again and they made him feel warm, which scared him. 

“I love you.” He heard before the lights faded and he groggily shook his head. He was still on the operating table and could hear the beeping of the monitor connected to him. Dizziness was basically the only thing he felt at the moment.

“Whoa.” Was the first word out of his mouth. Noticing Lex and Mercy were standing beside him he gave them a grin. “Hey guys.” 

“You’re awake.” Lex commented. “Good.” He leaned over and started to unplug Joker from all the machines hooked up to him. “It’s three in the morning.” He nodded at Mercy and she began to unfold a wheelchair and then rolled it over to the side of the bed. Lex was the one who lifted Joker onto it and the clown attempted to wrap his arms around the other man but found it very difficult to control one of his arms. 

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Joker said as Lex set him down. “My arms gonna be awesome.” He looked pleased. “Thanks.” Was all he could say in his drugged state. Lex nodded and Mercy started pushing him towards the elevator again. Joker stared back at Lex as he walked behind him until they got into the elevator. On the way up he dozed off again, unfortunately. 

Once he was conscious again he realized he was back in his room in Lex’s apartment. He had a pounding headache and his arm felt unnatural and everything seemed to hit him at once. Tearing the sheets off of himself, he noticed his flat chest and two scars along them. After a brief moment of joy he got up, nearly falling over himself as he realized how out of it he had been hours ago. Stumbling out of the room he suddenly realized he was only wearing shorts. Then he realized he didn’t need a shirt and continued towards the kitchen. 

“You’re awake.” Mercy was making breakfast. “I thought you would sleep all day.” She admitted, flipping a pancake. 

“Yeah. Hey, Mercy what’s your job?” Joker asked, “Are you like, a butler, a guard or…?”

She gave him a threatening smile. “I’m a force to be reckoned with.”

“Cool.” Joker turned around. “Lex is in the bathroom?”

“Yeah.”

He left and turned back to his room. Before he opened his door again he noticed Lex’s was opened. It was probably a bad idea to go back in there uninvited, but he did anyway. Noticing a stray jacket sprawled out on the bed he instinctively dove for it and pressed his face against it.He let out a groan as if all the stress from the past few days were coming out. Even with all that out he still had odd emotions when it came to Lex. Breathing in the scent on the jacket Joker felt uncharacteristically weak. There was something alluring about the billionaire that he couldn’t put his finger on. It was easy with Batman because the thrill was there, but this was different. 

“Joker?” He spun around to see Lex staring at him from the doorway. Making sure to drop the jacket, Joker turned around and realized Lex was only wearing a towel, and that he was only wearing shorts. “Are you alright?”

“You do good work.” The clown said in a calm tone. He waved his arm. “It’s gonna take some getting used to.” He got up and started to walk towards Lex, then stopped. “Hey, Lex? Why do you hate Superman so much?” 

The other man blinked at the question, as if it were the last thing he suspected. He opened his mouth but was cut off.

“Don’t tell me it’s because he’s too powerful. We both know there are things more powerful than a guy who can shoot lasers out of his eyes.” Joker replies.

Lex rolled his eyes. “Usually I expect to have pants on while having discussions about my psyche.” 

“I’ll take mine off if it makes you more comfortable.” Joker suggested. 

“Keep them on by all means.” Lex walked past him and sat on his bed. “What is the point of this question?”

“If you answer mine I”ll answer yours.” Joke offered.

“Fine.” Lex sighed. “This city- I control it. The corrupt politics, other CEOs, even some of the crime, it’s mine. Superman threatens my control.” He looked back up at Joker. “Why do you want to know?”

“It was the one question I wanted to ask you to your face.” Joker shrugs. “I can just find out most things about you without asking, but this one is important.” He paused. “Oh yeah, is Lana dead?”

“To me, yes.” Lex said. “She was being kept somewhere private, but managed to escape.”

“Wh-how?” Joker looked upset at the fact this stranger was alive. 

“Superman.” Lex frowned.

A stunned look came across Joker’s face. “Already? I thought he almost died who the hell gets better that quick?” He thought of what Mercy said about Lex not needing him anymore and was prepared to steal a car to get back to Gotham before his thoughts were interrupted. 

“Don’t feel bad about not killing him. Trust me, I’ve been trying.” There was no anger in Lex’s voice as he spoke, which freaked the hell out of Joker.

“You’re weird.” He said before retreating back towards his room, shutting the door behind himself. 

Inside his room he locked himself inside and tore his shorts before climbing into bed again. All he wanted to do was sleep and destroy all his complicated feelings he had swimming inside of him. He knew that Lex had power over him now, and he would have to do something about it. Knowing how Lex felt would make things easier, certainly. So he would do that. A few minutes passed and Joker realized he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. He got some decent, clowny clothes back on and sighed. Stepping outside once more, he found Lex by the elevator, about to leave. 

“Where’re you going?” Joker stopped a few feet away from him.

“I have a meeting. Bruce Wayne’s in town.” Lex explained. 

If he had a drink Joker would have spat it out. Instead he gave Lex a concerned look. “Uh, what does-what does he want?” 

“We’re just setting up an exchange of technology.” Lex says. “You look even paler than usual, do you know him?”

“I do. I need to prepare.” Joker said suddenly, a wave of excitement rushing through him. “Lex, do you have guns? Of course you do, you’re Lex Luthor, duh.” After giving Lex a menacing look he took off down the hall laughing, leaving the other man staring at him dumbfounded before stepping into the elevator. 

Mercy was gone, assumedly to meet with Bruce Wayne as well, leaving Joker alone in the apartment. There were no guns here, he had checked the first day here. But there were certainly places that they would be. The bar, on any guard in the building, in the prototype labs. He didn’t need a prototype gun for Bats, though. Mugging a guard would probably do it. But that would probably make Lex upset, but Batman was coming. He got in the elevator and headed towards a floor he knew would be guarded heavily, because he had been there the other night. Once there, he noticed two guards, both chatting with one another, but they stopped when they saw Joker approaching. 

“Hey, can you help me?” Joker waved at the guard. 

The two guards walked up to him. “You aren’t supposed to be down here.” One of them said. “Not without the boss.”

“Yeah, I know, but I forgot something down here last night.” Joker paused. “Maybe you can just look for it for me? It’s just my binder.” Surprisingly that wasn’t a lie. But he had no idea where the thing would be. Lex probably threw it out. The two guards exchanged a look before one of them shrugged and entered the room.

“Wait here.” He ordered to the other one before he disappeared around the corner. Once he was alone with the other guard Joker put a hand on him. The man tensed up immediately and tried pulling away. 

“Oh don’t be such a big baby. You’ve never kissed a clown before, I’d bet, huh, handsome?” Joker winked at the guard and ran his hand down the stranger’s back. The guard pushed the clown away, but not before he was able to pocket his gun. It looked like the guard was going to talk but the other came back, holding an office binder. 

“Is this it? It’s empty.” The clueless man held it out to Joker. Trying hard not to laugh, Joker took it.

“Yeah, man, this is it.” He nodded. “Thanks!” He shouted before turning and running back towards the elevator, leaving the two dumbfounded guards with each other. 

He got to the apartment and Lex was still gone. Half tempted to go back to snooping through Lex’s room, as he’s made a habit to do, he decided against it and walked into the kitchen, a spring in his step. For the first time in a long time he had a meal, and washed it down with the champagne Lex loved. Feeling a little tipsy, Joker settled down on the couch and turned the television on. He wasn’t actually watching it, but he needed some noise right now. He must have fallen asleep because he didn’t remember what happened in between then and when he opened his eyes to see Lex sitting next to him. 

“Lexy,” Joker felt a wave of affection come over him, but he forced it away. “When did you get here?” 

“Why did you go back downstairs and come back with only this?” Lex held up the binder he had taken.

“Oh.” The affection was completely gone from the clown’s tone now. “I just like messing with your people. They take themselves way too seriously for my tastes.” He considered telling Lex the truth, noticed the hard look he was being given, and caved. “Fine.” He rolled his eyes. “You should feel bad for making me talk like this. But… Okay, I think we’re going to have company some time tonight. So I had to get this off one of your boys.” He pulled the gun out, then Mercy pulled her’s out, then Joker dropped it. “Can you calm down for one second, Mercy? I’m not even using it on you guys.” She put her gun away reluctantly.

“What do you think you need a gun for?” Lex asked. “Why have you been acting so weird all day?” Joker realized he probably couldn’t tell him without spilling the big secret he had. He glanced at Mercy. She couldn’t know, even if he was going to tell Lex. Then he realized he was going to tell Lex. 

“I’ll tell you.” Joker told him. “But I need to tell only you.” 

“Mercy, leave.” Lex ordered. She didn’t hesitate on her way to the elevator. 

Joker breathed in. “Okay. I’ve never told anyone this before, you should feel special.” He leaned in towards Lex. “I know who Batman is. And I’ll tell you.” He scooted closer to Luthor. “But I want something first.”

“There’s always something.” Lex responded. “Name it.”

Joker grinned. “Kiss me.” 

Lex stared at him as if he were expecting more. “That’s all you want? You’re serious?”

The clown prince nodded. “Yeah, why not?” He positioned himself on top of Lex, pinning him against the couch. 

“Fine.” Lex responded, then he pulled Joker in suddenly, catching the clown off guard. There was passion in almost everything Lex did and kissing was certainly no exception. Joker wrapped his arms around around him, and expected the feelings inside of him to fade out. They didn't. He felt like he was about to cry and he didn’t know why. The kiss lasted a few seconds too long before Joker moved back, a stunned look on his face. 

“Lex…” Joker didn’t move off of him, instead pressing the side of his head against his friend’s chest. “I guess I gotta spill the beans.” He ran a finger along Lex’s collarbone and let out a girlish giggle. “Bruce Wayne.” 

Joker felt Lex grab onto his arm and gently push him away. “What?” He looked at him, confused. “If that’s true, why didn’t you tell me before I saw him today?”

“Why would I? He’s only Batman at night.” Joker blinked, he just wanted to kiss again. “That’s why I got the gun, honey.”

Lex sighed. “We could have killed him when he didn’t expect it.”

“He expects everything.” Joker says. “Don’t underestimate him, Lex.” He suddenly looks lost in thought. “Speaking of which, it’s probably best if you and me have a little sleep over tonight.” Settling back down in Lex’s lap, the clown looked around. “He can get in through the balcony. He’ll expect Mercy, so it doesn’t matter if she’s there or not, but I’ll be under the sheets where he can’t see. Put a decoy in my bed-and then I’ll pop out with a gun and surprise! Killer jack in a box-bed-whatever.” 

Before he bounced off to his room, he gave Lex another briefer kiss. Once inside he grabbed a bunch of his stray clothes and formed them into a human shape before pulling the blanket over it. He went to run out of the room but ran into Lex on his way out, literally. He almost bounced off of him. 

“Joker.” Lex grabbed the clown’s arm before he could fall, pulling Joker against himself. 

“Hey, Lex.” The clown smiles at him. “You ready to go?” Without answering, Luthor handed him the pistol he had left in the other room and pulled him into his room. The door closed, leaving the two of them alone together in the dimly lit room. Once inside Joker put the gun on the nightstand and began to undress. He was down to his underwear and he stopped. “Uh,” He looked back at the gun. “I’m gonna put this in my underwear.” Before Lex could respond the gun was where the sun doesn’t shine.

Lex was still wearing his pants when he got into bed. “Let’s try and get some rest.” He knew better than to tell Joker to not put a gun in his briefs. Without saying a word, Joker hopped into bed with him and latched himself onto Lex’s arm. 

“This is probably a weird thing to bring up.” Joker started, “But I just realized something the other day.” 

Lex cut him off, “Go to bed, Joker. We can talk in the morning.” he covered the clown’s head with his blanket. Defeated, Joker shrugged and closed his eyes. He’d have to wait, and he hated waiting almost as much as sleeping. 

It took hours for Batman to show up. Even though he didn’t make a noise, and even though Lex didn’t notice he was in the room, Joker did. He could feel Lex sleeping next to him, his chest gently rising and falling. It was unlike Joker, who had frozen completely. Batman didn’t notice him, and instead made his way over to Lex’s side. The bat grabbed Lex by his throat, forcing him out of his sleep and practically picked him up. 

“Where’s Joker?” He could hear Batman growl from under the covers. Lex choked in reply and he glared at the bat. Deciding it was his time to shine, Joker popped out from under the covers and grabbed his gun.

“Right here, Batsy!” The clown prince cried as he sprang up. He fired a shot, above the bat’s ear, but close enough to deafen him for a moment. Predictably, he let go of Lex and lept back, Joker let out another round of bullets aimed at his feet. The door to Lex’s room burst open, and Mercy stared at the scene, her own gun in hand, let out a gasp and started shooting at Batman as well. The dark knight seemed to realized he was out played, and leapt back out onto the balcony to make his escape. 

“I think I surprised him.” Joker grinned, pleased with himself, and for some reason he shoved the gun back down his underwear. 

“How is it that both of you managed to miss him?” Lex sighed from his bed and rubbed his throat.

“We can’t just shoot Batman.” Joker said. “That’s way too easy.”

Mercy stood, mouth agape, in the doorway. “Joker…” She blinked, seemingly gaining her senses, then she grinned. “Is that a gun in your underpants or are you just happy to see me?”

Joker frowned. “It’s a gun, and I’m not happy that you made that joke. That’s my thing.” 

“Would you both please shut up?” Lex rubbed his head, his only two friends gave him headaches. 

“Sorry, sir.” Mercy put her gun away as well before leaving and closing the door behind her. Joker scooted back over to Lex, putting a hand on his shoulder. Now probably wasn’t the best time to complicate their relationship, but that didn’t mean he would listen to his better judgement for the first time now. 

“Hey.” Joker climbed on top of him. “Want me to kiss that better?” The clown traced a finger over his bruised neck. He grabbed Joker’s arm and pulled him into a kiss.

“That a yes?” Joker asked once they broke off. 

Lex looked serious, again. “Are you in love with Batman?”

The question caught him completely off guard. “I think I-I used to a lot.” He admitted. “I’m mad at him.” 

“Why?”

How could Joker put this delicately. “Because he sleeps with like every woman he knows.” Not so delicate, but it got the point across. “Like,I have feelings, y’know. And I don’t know if he’s stupid enough to be trying to piss me off on purpose or if he’s just dumb.”

“Obviously he has no sense of priority.” Lex scoffs. “We can kill him, if you want.”

“That’s just doing the same thing I’ve been doing.” Joker says. “I’m gonna ignore him. He’s not getting in the way of us even if he tries.”

“Us?” Lex smirked. 

“Oh, that was probably stupid of me to say.” Joker blinks. “Oh yeah. I might as well tell you that I’m in love with you now.” 

Lex gave him a blank stare. “Can you take the gun out of your underwear and repeat that?”

A wave of embarrassment came over Joker. “Oh right.” He took it out and tossed it across the room. Repositioning himself, he set his head on Lex’s shoulder and batted his eyes. “I love you, Lexy.” 

“That’s better.” Lex ran his fingers through Joker’s bright green hair. “I love you, too.” He admitted, feeling slightly embarrassed in doing so. Joker smiled and quickly positioned himself on top of Lex and pinned him against the sheets. 

He pressed another kiss against his partner’s lips and uttered, “Let’s make it official, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit i actually finished something.


End file.
